Tango down! Tango down! Sector 3.5s, 34.5e!!!”
“Kwip, shut up. If you have a PK there, just tell us his name, what he’s using, and if he’s been vulned or imped.”
“Right, right, sorry.”
“So?”
“So what?”
“So do you have a PK there or not, dammit?”
“Oh. Well, no…but there COULD be a PK here, that’s my point. Tango down! Tango down! Readiness drill 2.3 go go go!”
“Would someone kindly go and kick the shit out of Kwip, pretty please?”
Yes, I’m a defender, and the other defenders LOVE me! I’m so helpful…
Kwip died!
Timberwulfe says to your fellowship, “Kwip, who got you, w/ what and where?”
You say to your fellowship, “Damn!”
Timberwulfe says to your fellowship, “Kwip, who?”
You say to your fellowship, “Kwip me!”
Timberwulfe says to your fellowship, “No, I mean who killed you Kwip?”
You say to your fellowship, “Oh, sheesh, who hasn’t?”
Timberwulfe says to your fellowship, “What?”
You say to your fellowship, “Well, I’ve been killed by just about everybody on the server, I think.”
Timberwulfe says to your fellowship, “No no no, who killed you just now?”
You say to your fellowship, “Just now?”
Timberwulfe says to your fellowship, “Yes!”
You say to your fellowship, “Nobody did, I’ve been talking to you!”
Timberwulfe says to your fellowship, “Kwip, scroll back up. Who was it that killed you about 5 minutes ago?”
You say to your fellowship, “Oh. Hold on a second, let me check.”
Timberwulfe says to your fellowship, “Is there more than one raider? Where are you?”
You say to your fellowship, “What?”
Timberwulfe says to your fellowship, “DAMMIT KWIP WHO THE HELL JUST KILLED YOU, WHERE ARE THEY, WHAT WERE THEY USING?”
You say to your fellowship, “Oh. Sheesh, no need to get testy. I fell off of a cliff.”
Timberwulfe says to your fellowship, “…what?”
You say to your fellowship, “Yuh, I was trying to see if I could do a little dance in mid-air off the cliff and I dieded.”
Timberwulfe says to your fellowship, “Sigh…”
It’s a pretty amazing sight to watch though, I have to admit. Even being the cause of the sight. See, Lansing will cast a full suite of Lvl 6 buffs on me. The whole works – armor, all elemental protections, Bow mastery, quickness, coordination – you name it, I’ve got it. It’s great fun, too – I can walk up to an iron golem, pretty much kick him in the iron marbles, run around him a few times making Three Stooges noises, and then kill him in a few shots. Pretty impressive, especially considering how I have been 0\/\/]\[3D in the past by such fearsome creatures as the dreaded red wasps of C’ar’kith’narrrgggghhhhh…
Anyway, so there I am, feeling pretty damn cocky. YEAH, I took down an iron golem in one hit, baby! Bow down at my 3L33T skillz! Bring on these attackers! So I stand around the lifestone at AB, waiting for them to pop in. Granted, when the DO come in, it’s usually a mass of confusion, since I have NO idea who the hell’s a PK or not. My encounters go something like this:
You say to your fellowship, “Hrmmm…is Timberwulfe a pk?”
Timberwulfe says to your fellowship, “Ummm…Kwip? Hel-lo? Can you say duh?”
You say to your fellowship, “Err…so he is?”
Timberwulfe says to your fellowship, “No I am NOT, dammit! I’m in your fellowship! How the hell would I be in the ‘AB Defense League” if I were PK?”
You say to your fellowship, “Well…umm…you could be a spy!”
Timberwulfe says, “Never mind. Why are you so close to the Lifestone? You know you’ll get wasted if a PK shows up on top of you.”
You say to your fellowship, “No way, man! Lansing uber-buffed me! I own, dude!”
Timberwulfe sighs.
Timberwulfe says to your fellowship, “Ok, I’m going to check out town. You stay here and continue…”
You say to your fellowship, “Guarding?”
Timberwulfe says to your fellowship, “Ummmm…..guarding, yeah, sure, okay. You stay here and continue guarding.”
Timberwulfe runs off.
You say, “Ok, this is confusing. There’s too many people here. Would all of you that are PK kindly raise your hands?”
Saberwolfe X raises his hand.
You say, “Ok, so you’re a PK, right Saberwolfe?”
Saberwolfe X says, “Oh, PEE-KAY! No, I’m sorry, I thought you asked who was a DEE-JAY. I’m here for the party.”
You say, “Oh, no, no, no – here, stand behind me here.”
Saberwolfe X moves behind Kwip and begins polishing blood of off his Atlan Staff…
You say, “Wait a sec…”
You say to your fellowship, “Hey, is Saberwolfe X a bad guy?”
Timberwulfe says to your fellowship, “YES!”
Unfortunately, by the time I got this answer, Saberwolfe knocked me into the mud, shoved his atlan staff straight up my rectal cavity, and then paraded around town beating people to death with me. It wasn’t exactly my proudest moment. Sigh. But the fight shall continue, fear not!
Oh, and one quick note: if you see me online and want to send me a tell telling me you like the site, like my writing, etc, etc, that’s hella cool. Thanks! My ego and I both love hearing from our fans. HOWEVER: If you’re trying to A)just insult me; B)send me nonsensical tells about how your feet stink or some other stupid shit hoping that I’ll think you’re funny, haha, come play with me; C)whining about one of my vassals; or D)any/all of the above; do me a favor: go fuck yourself, mmmkay? I’m getting better with the squelch command, and lately I’ve been pretty quick on it. So if you’re somebody I actually know and were just trying to goof and ended up with me squelching your whole account, I apologize, but you simply would not BELIEVE the amount of dipshits I routinely get /telling some stupid shit as soon as I sign on. Well, actually, many of you would: let’s face it, stupid people are breeding more and more rapidly nowadays, thanks to fertility treatments and plastic surgery. In fact, as I look around my office right now, I see a number of them, some of whom actually get paid more than I do…hrmmmm…Oh, Lansing – can you throw a quick BD VI on my pencil? I have to go have another ‘meeting’ with some stupid co-workers, and I’d like to make a few ‘notes’ they won’t soon forget…
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