Can I just say that some people are wound WAY too tight?
For example, I’ll use my latest little cherub, Reich. Now Reich hunts in the same area I do. I think he belongs to Jackichan, but of course I’m just happy I remembered his name, let alone his guild. Anyway, I pop in the other nite, and he’s in the middle of talking tough to a little level 9 (or something), Zandar, that I’ve grown quite fond of (mostly ’cause he’s a funny little smartass who doesn’t take much seriously – not enough of that sort in the world, in my opinion). Well, of COURSE I have to open my mouth and make fun of Reich. Which of course earns me his instant love…
Reich says, “You want a piece of this too?”
(Honest folks, he really talks like this!)
You say, “Piece of what? Pie? Are we having a party? Yeay!”
(this continues, me being obnoxious, him threatening, until I call him a kid, which is an obvious slander at his thirteen-year old manhood…)
Reich says, “Cruath Quasith”
Reich casts Imperil Other IV on you!
You say, “Oh, well, let me make this easier on you.”
(I lay down – Reich and his little buddy come over and smite me)
Hee hee hee, I have so much fun. Yes, I’ve been killed again, but truth be told, I was egging on Reich, mostly because he was being just FAR too grumpy for someone with such a fun name. That and I can’t stand someone who postures like a total badass. Blah. But he did give me back all my stuff later, and after all, it’s not like killing me makes you PK – hell, if that were true, my entire monarchy would be PK, instead of just Isaac. Hee hee.
Of course, now I’m white in AB, so I can go buy more arrows peacefully and skip merrily amongst the Bloods…which leads me to thinking…hrmmm…there’s a lot more PKs here than usually. In fact, there are Bloods all over the place, some are even SHOPPING! What has become of my favorite new haunt?
Well, it’s obvious that this town needs a hero! I have lacked in my defense of the town, and look what has happened! I must defend the town and drive out these hooligans!
Random PKer smites you so hard the lifestone flinches!
Death says, “So, I’m guessing you didn’t notice you had turned red again?”
You say, “Bah! A mere setback! Now I will buff and lead the battle charge!”
(much buffing and arming of weapons)
You say, “Ah-ha, shortly I will turn red and the devestation will begin!”
Death says, “Gee, that’s funny…normally, when people talk about buffing, they don’t cast ‘Armor Self I’ and ‘Defenselessness Self I’ on themselves…”
You say, “Well, that’s because…er…what?”
Random PKer smites you so hard the lifestone is dizzy!
You sigh.
Okay, well, it’s painfully obvious that in AB, just like in every other part of the continent, I get my ass handed to me quite gleefully by everyone and their neighbor. In fact, I may be mistaken, but I’m pretty sure some of the vendors were taking potshots at me along the way…
But here’s the problem: first, I’m stoned in AB. Sure, I could go someplace else, but that would involve something like work, and I’m far too lazy for that nonsense. Second, since they have control of AB, they’re pretty much in control of Uziz, home of my favorite strip clubs and dive bars. Third, and perhaps the most important: this is fun! My interactions with Blood prior to this have always sort of been like “Hi, I’m URK!” and a quick death. But now I have a chance to see some Bloods in their natural habitat.
So I fart around hunting for a bit, burning off some vitae so I’ll be able to recall and have some stuff to drop upon my certain death. Next I make a plan: I decide I’ll cruise into AB, and if I can get past the lifestone, I’ll head into town. If I can get into town, I’ll go to Uziz. Now THAT is such a solid warplan, I think I should be delivering it in front of a big flag wearing a shiny helmet and carrying a riding crop (for those of you outside the US, this is a famous scene from the movie Patton, in which a young boy learns of the price of his alternative lifestyle at bandcamp). So I’m supplied, giddy, and heart is thumping. And away I go!
Well, of course the first thing I notice as I hit the lifestone is a crowd of people around me, just sort of staring. Anyone that’s worked with sheep will instantly recognize this sort of activity. They are ‘grazing,’ apparently waiting for whomever to come raiding. Well, here I am, let’s see how they react:
Joe Blow says, “Hey, is Kwip blood?”
(honest to god – I got his name wrong, but that’s what someone said – I guess the whole examining thing was more work than asking, or maybe when they bought their account, it didn’t come with instructions, I dunno – regardless, I’m off and running, I’m not gonna stay around while they try and figure this bit out)
You say, “Yes!”
(okay, so they’re a little slow on the uptake – but some have now broken off from their grazing and are following me into town – whatsoever shall I do?)
You say, “Hey, quit it, I’m in Blood now!”
(take a wild guess – if you guessed that some of them broke off, you’re correct! I couldn’t believe it either – this was the equivalent of the hero telling the bad guy ‘hey, you’re shoes untied’ and the bad guy looking down only to see his testicles being smashed by a well-delivered kick to the groin by the intrepid and testically insensitive hero. But there I was, giggling like a fiend, running like mad – unfortunately for me, a few of them were too clever for me.)
Cinder (or Sparky or something like that) casts Fire Vulnerability IV on you!
You say, “Ouch! Lemme go! I’ll tell Blood on you!”
(But I think my little charade was over here, I had two followers in hot pursuit – but luckily, the Uziz portal was now in site! I hop through it, and see Sue Quay the Serpent and somebody else coming through after me – hell if I wait around to ID them! I’m off again, and I loose the other guy, but Sue ain’t falling for that.)
You say, “Mommy!
You say, “Make the bad man stop!”
Sue Quay the Serpent says, “I wanna talk to you for a second.”
(Okay, I know at this point the gig is up – Sue’s like a billion levels above me, and most likely has NOT had someone vuln her/him. And probably doesn’t suck, either. So I attempt to brandish my trusty lightning dagger and shield, but instead pull out my bow. That I have no ammo for. Sigh.)
Sue Quay the Serpent smites you so hard your mother is dizzy!
Well, it was fun while it lasted. And I did prove a point: there are indeed, gullible people amongst the Bloods. In fact, on another trip there, I was left completely unmolested! Tom Thumb ran up on me, and I was sure I was about to be smited, but he just kept trying to examine me and then ran off. I sold some stuff, shopped a bit, made fun of a non-cow-pants-wearing-person’s pants, and then recalled. All completely unmolested. Hell, that town was more peaceful when I was surrounded by Bloods than it ever has been when it was full of Antis! Hee hee hee – ok, that was a joke. Of course I’ll help raid the town. It will be fun to be a raider for once instead of a defender! Although, if I suck to badly at raiding, maybe I’ll switch. Like, midway through the raid. I’m just kooky like that, ya know?
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