You say, “DAH-DAH-DA-DAH-DAH-DA-DUM-DAH, DAH-DAH-DA-DAH-DAH-DA-DUMMMM, TEQUILA!”
Fresh Meat says, “i swere if u dont stfu ur dead, kwip!!!!”
Yup; I’ve sank that low: tormenting newbs. I can’t help it! Those cute little skirts they all wear, with the push-up leather outfits! How can anyone resist! What? Jennifer who? Oh, her. Right. Simple mistake…
Okay, so they may not wear the sexiest outfits in the world, but newbs are DAMN fun to play with! Especially nowadays… I’ve finally made the big bad 3-0 mark…
Death says, “Mwuah-ha-ha! That’s right! And it won’t be long until I see you, old man!”
You say, “Shut up you rotten bastard, I’m talking about levels, not age!”
Death says, “Potato, patahto.”
Anyway, as I was saying… I’ve finally made it to level 30. In comparison to the rest of the general population, this puts me around level 5 or so. So I’m FINALLY able to make my way into newb towns and make new friends!
You say, “I’M HENRY THE EIGHTH I AM, HENRY THE EIGHTH I AM I AM!”
Fresh Meat failed to assess you!
Fresh Meat says, “i swere if u dont stfu ur dead, kwip!!!!”
You say, “I GOT MARRIED TO THE WIDOW NEXT DOOR, SHE’S BEEN MARRIED SEVEN TIMES BEFORE!”
Fresh Meat failed to assess you!
You evaded Fresh Meat!
You evaded Fresh Meat!
You evaded Fresh Meat!
You say, “I’M HENRY THE EIGHTH I AM, HENRY THE EIGHTH I AM I AM!”
You evaded Fresh Meat!
You evaded Fresh Meat!
You say, “I GOT…hey! Oh my gosh! Fresh Meat is a pk! Hep me! Hep me! Save me!”
You evaded Fresh Meat!
You evaded Fresh Meat!
You evaded Fresh Meat!
Kwip lifts his skirts and begins running for the hills!
You evaded Fresh Meat!
You evaded Fresh Meat!
Kwip stands and watches this for a minute…
You evaded Fresh Meat!
You evaded Fresh Meat!
You say, “Geeeeeeeeeeez, you suxors! What the hells your sword skill at, two?”
You evaded Fresh Meat!
You evaded Fresh Meat!
You say, “Hey, maybe you’re a mage.”
You evaded Fresh Meat!
You evaded Fresh Meat!
Fresh Meat says, “i may miss but if i hit ur dead”
You evaded Fresh Meat!
Fresh Meat says, “1 hit an dead”
You evaded Fresh Meat!
Kwip giggles.
You evaded Fresh Meat!
You say, “No, seriously. That tickles. Quit it. Sheesh…how do you even have any stamina left?”
You evaded Fresh Meat!
You say, “Uh-oh! No stamina! You know what THAT means?”
You evaded Fresh Meat!
You say, “Dooo dee dooo… Ivory plate, I choose jooo!”
You evaded Fresh Meat!
You evaded Fresh Meat!
You say, “Malar Aeril”
The magic courses through you!
You evaded Fresh Meat!
You cast Blood Drinker IV on Ivory Plate!
You evaded Fresh Meat!
You say, “Here, catch!”
You smite Fresh Meat so hard the lifestone flinches!
Okay, okay – that was childish and very mean. I’m talking about casting Blood Drinker – like that was needed. The smiting was obviously needed, but I suppose it was cruel and unusual to add insult to injury with the added spell… then again…
You tell Fresh Meat, “0\/\/|\|3D!!!! TMO, baby!”
Gosh, sometimes I crack myself up…
But life isn’t always giggles for me now, don’t get me wrong. Although I’ve finally got my miserable little bastich mule making elemental arrows for me, life isn’t exactly the piece of cake a famous sex icon like me should have…
For example, the other day I’m taking perverse glee in mowing down iron golems with acid arrows. 103 pts of damage in one hit! 110! 134 – oh, a new world record ladies and gentlemen! So OF COURSE I now know, beyond the shadow of a doubt, Turbine wubs me. Let’s look at the facts, shall we?
I strung my 110% comp bow on my first try – with a base bow skill of 132. Hee.
I got my own pack monster!
I have a FULL set of cow armor (ladies, contain yourselves, please)!
I have just brutalized not one, not two, but THREE iron golems in a row! Mwuah ha ha! Hey… what’s the sound? Oh, look, another golem! Take that, foul fiend! Hrmm… 1 point of damage? That can’t be right… let me try again… 2 points… 2 points… 1 point… Oh, an OBSIDIAN golem! Wow, that things so pretty the way it sparkles…URK!!!
Obsidian golem smites you so hard the lifestone flinches!
Obsidian golem tells you, “0\/\/|\|3D”
Death says, “Welcome back, sweetie!”
You sigh.
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