Well it’s about time. There’ve been so many new things added to Dereth that I just haven’t gotten to see yet! I think the last update that I saw most of the things added was…ermm…December…of ’99.
So I decide I AM GOING TO EXPLORE. Yes. Yes, I am.
Death says, “This will end badly, I tell you!”
You say, “You shaddup!”
Well, where to begin? So much to see, so much to do…suddenly inspiration strikes me!
Gigas Lugian smites you so hard the lifestone flinches!
Death says, “Yeah. Inspiration. In the form of a boulder.”
You say, “Quiet, slut!”
The Lugian city! I shall visit the Lugian city! I have never been there – in fact, now that I think about it, I don’t even know where the hell it is. Someplace with a lot of lugians, I’d suspect.
Death says, “Your brilliance continues to overwhelm.”
You say, “WOULD YOU SHUT THE HELL UP ALREADY DAMMIT!”
Death says, “Make me. Nyeah nyeah.”
You say, “Hrmph.”
Let’s see now…who would know where this place is? I could always ask Maggie… well… except for that whole “restraining order” thingy. Hee. Such a kidder, that girl. I could pop over to my comrades at CoD and check the library…then again, there’s that whole stink over the mess I made in the corner that night after my birthday party. Keth said I couldn’t come back until I cleaned it up, and no WAY was I touching that stuff; I don’t know what I ate that night, but I was pretty sure those weren’t little green seeds poking out of that goop. Hey, it wasn’t MY fault. I TOLD them Isparian Ale does that to me. Hrmmm…where else…Eldreth told me if I came around there again he’d tie me to a tree in front of a randy drudge and cast Piercing Vuln VI on my behind, so that’s out…dang. Oh! Duh! Ask a Lugian!
Now I know where the Lugian Citadel is. Been there a few times, in fact. So it’s really no trouble to find my way back there again.
Death says, “‘No trouble’ he says! Just like that! Ask him about the three visits to the lifestone and the ‘shortcut’ via Aerlinthe he took us on!”
You say, “Hey man, that WAS a shortcut. There was just a… er… server… glitch… thingy… it threw ALL the portals askew man, don’t ask me.”
Truth is, I think in one of the past updates, Turbine moved the Citadel. Some of you newer players not ‘in the loop’ like yours truly might not know that.
Death says, “Hee hee – ‘in the loop’. That’s funny. Turbine CERTAINLY keeps you in the loop. Remember last year at the ACPL when Devilmouse told you everyone was meeting at the Waffle House?”
You say, “Well, yeah, he wanted me to come hang out with the rest of them!”
Death says, “Then why did he tell you it was the Waffle House in New Jersey?”
You say, “Because… ah… he… uh… SHUT THE HELL UP!”
Pretty sneaky, those guys. Don’t want people getting TOO complacent with the world. After all, Dereth IS an ‘ever-changing’ world, right? Right. SO SHUT YER BLATHERING PIE-HOLE!
Now then.
I arrive safe and sound (Death says, “HA!”) in Cit. And it’s EMPTY! Well, the drop is. I figure the campers are somewhere further in. But lo and behold, there’s like NOBODY hanging out there! You folks on these white servers are crazy, man. The Citadel is uber, everyone knows that.
Wait, what’s that noise? Ah, there’s some Lugians now!
You say, “Excuse me, fellas, but could one of you kind gentlemen direct me to the…Ow! Hey, careful there!”
You say, “Ow! Hey! OW OW OW OH SWEET MOTHER OF GOD! NOT THE FACE! NOT THE FA…”
Gigas Lugian smites you so hard even the lifestone flinches!
Death says, “Helpful blokes, those Lugians.”
You say, “Well, OBVIOUSLY those guys were WILD Lugians. I need to seek out help from the TAME Lugians. Duh.”
Death says, “Obviously.”
I have no trouble remembering where one of those fancy-pants Lugians hangs out – good ol’ Rithwic! City of enchantment! City of mystery! City of 28% vitae in 12 minutes! Yeah, this is sort of a homecoming for me. Rithwic’s always been one of my favorite starter towns. I think it has to do with the high-cut dresses they all wear there.
Celcynd the Dour tells you, “Hey! You said you wouldn’t tell anyone about that! It was the wine I tell you! The wine affects me that way!”
Ermm…where was I.
Yes, Rithwic! Behold, in two shakes of the leg I have returned!
Death says, “Two shakes of the leg and three more visits to the lifestone!”
You says, “FOR THE LOVE OF PETE, SHUT YER FLYTRAP!”
Lessee now…ah, there’s the big lug now.
You say, “Novedion you big poof! How the heck goes it?”
Novedion the Gem Seller tells you, “Greetings. I and my two brothers have been sent to some of the Isparian Arrival points to offer our fine wares. While many Isparians have only dealt with our less refined cousins, the Tukal smiths are masters of many arts. These particular gems have been crafted by some of our finest master gem crafters and imbued with helpful magics which I am sure will be useful to the Isparian adventurer. I also am selling Benevolent Calm, a necessary ingredient to fashion the Staff of Clarity.”
You say, “Uh, no, thank you – listen, could you tell me where this Linvak Tukal is?”
Novedion the Gem Seller tells you, “Greetings. I and my two brothers have been sent to some of the Isparian Arrival points to offer our fine wares. While many Isparians have only dealt with our less refined cousins, the Tukal smiths are masters of many arts. These particular gems have been crafted by some of our finest master gem crafters and imbued with helpful magics which I am sure will be useful to the Isparian adventurer. I also am selling Benevolent Calm, a necessary ingredient to fashion the Staff of Clarity.”
You say, “Ermm…right. That’s very nice. Now then – the location of your city?”
Novedion the Gem Seller tells you, “Greetings. I and my two brothers have been sent to some of the Isparian Arrival points to offer our fine wares. While many Isparians have only dealt with our less refined cousins, the Tukal smiths are masters of many arts. These particular gems have been crafted by some of our finest master gem crafters and imbued with helpful magics which I am sure will be useful to the Isparian adventurer. I also am selling Benevolent Calm, a necessary ingredient to fashion the Staff of Clarity.”
You sigh.
You say, “Look, I appreciate that you need to make a living and all…”
Novedion the Gem Seller tells you, “Greetings. I and my two brothers have been sent to some of the Isparian Arrival points to offer our fine wares. While many Isparians have only dealt with our less refined cousins, the Tukal smiths are masters of many arts. These particular gems have been crafted by some of our finest master gem crafters and imbued with helpful magics which I am sure will be useful to the Isparian adventurer. I also am selling Benevolent Calm, a necessary ingredient to fashion the Staff of Clarity.”
You say, “Fine! FINE! Here! Give me some of that stupid Benevolent Calm!”
Novedion the Gem Seller tells you, “You will find that to be of good service to you in the future.”
You say, “Yeah, yeah, useful my left butt cheek. So…”
Novedion the Gem Seller tells you, “Greetings. I and my two brothers have been sent to some of the Isparian Arrival points to offer our fine wares. While many Isparians have only dealt with our less refined cousins, the Tukal smiths are masters of many arts. These particular gems have been crafted by some of our finest master gem crafters and imbued with helpful magics which I am sure will be useful to the Isparian adventurer. I also am selling Benevolent Calm, a necessary ingredient to fashion the Staff of Clarity.”
You say, “What? I know that, you jerk! Where the hell’s Linvak Tukal?!?!”
Novedion the Gem Seller tells you, “Greetings. I and my two brothers have been sent to some of the Isparian Arrival points to offer our fine wares. While many Isparians have only dealt with our less refined cousins, the Tukal smiths are masters of many arts. These particular gems have been crafted by some of our finest master gem crafters and imbued with helpful magics which I am sure will be useful to the Isparian adventurer. I also am selling Benevolent Calm, a necessary ingredient to fashion the Staff of Clarity.”
You say, “Hey! Where’s your damn city, you big goony goo goo looking bastich?”
Novedion the Gem Seller tells you, “Greetings. I and my two brothers have been sent to some of the Isparian Arrival points to offer our fine wares. While many Isparians have only dealt with our less refined cousins, the Tukal smiths are masters of many arts. These particular gems have been crafted by some of our finest master gem crafters and imbued with helpful magics which I am sure will be useful to the Isparian adventurer. I also am selling Benevolent Calm, a necessary ingredient to fashion the Staff of Clarity.”
You say, “That does it, you big dumb hairless goombah! I know one sorry Lugian sonofabitch that ain’t surviving to AC2!!! It’s go time!”
Novedion the Gem Seller smiles.
Novedion the Gem Seller bashes your head for 26 points of bludgeoning damage!
You say, “Gah! Sweet baby jeebus! You’re gonna pay for that one!”
Novedion the Gem Seller bashes your head for 34 points of bludgeoning damage!
Novedion the Gem Seller bashes your head for 57 points of bludgeoning damage!
You begin to cry.
Novedion the Gem Seller bashes your head for 32 points of bludgeoning damage!
You say, “AAAAIIIEEEE! NOT THE FACE! SAVE MY PRECIOUS FACE!”
Novedion the Gem Seller knocks your faceplate through the back of your skull!
You have died!
You’ve lost 2,345 pyreals, your yumi, your koroi leggings, your pathetic self-respect, any chance of impressing the ladies, and your bladder control!
Death says, “My! Didn’t THAT plan go over well!”
You say, “I hate you.”
Hrmph. I drag my sorry carcass back to the Hub and sit in a corner and cry for a minute or two. Then I figure, frag it; I’m tired and it’s time for bed. I’ll discover Linvak Tukal another day.
Just as I’m logging out, I hear:
Fasticous says, “Hey, I’m taking a group to Linvak Tukal. Anyone wanna come?”
Death giggles.
Sigh.
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