No, I’m not talking about being able to write our names in the snow.
Women are just…different.
Now, I’ve gone on at great length how important Kwipette is to me, how she is my soulmate and what great lengths I go to in order to impress her. Well, having said all that, I have to say: she is completely insane. Of course we all knew that, simply because she’s agreed to marry me. But now I have new proof: her gaming style is something akin to a 200-lb rabid pit bull.
It’s been a pretty common occurance in the past that we would partake of LAN games at Yellow Rat Bastard’s gaming shop and proceed to blow the holy hell out of each other, something only those truly in love can really enjoy. I would suggest that we play a cooperative match, like Team Deathmatch, CTF or even a cooperative mission.
“Sure. Just as long as we can play some Deathmatch first.”
And she doesn’t want to be on MY team. She wants to be on the OTHER team, to facilitate her blowing the living hell out of me, the people around me, any structures I might be hiding behind, and anything in my line of sight.
Now, keeping all that in mind, I recently convinced her to come back to Dereth. She hadn’t been able to play for a long time because I couldn’t figure out how to hook her computer up to our network. Uh, I mean, of course I could figure out how to do that – what, you think I’m stupid? Oh yes I am! I mean, no, of course not. No, the problem was a… er… thingy… with the ports. Yes. Those damn ports.
So anyway, after listening to me blab and blab about how much I like the new starter dungeons and how the new character creation is, blah blah blah…the point is, she’s intrigued, and wants to give it a try.
So we both create newbs, and off we go, into the starter dungeons.
I log in slightly behind Kwipette, and as I arrive, she’s jumping up and down on the dungeon greeter.
You say, “Babe! Light of my life! No! He’s not a bad guy!”
Kwipette says, “Are you sure? Maybe he’s one of those Virindi in disguise…”
You say, “No, honest, he’s okay – just here to greet us.”
Kwipette lets the Greeter off the floor.
Greeter cries.
You say, “Uh, let’s just move along, shall we?”
So we go in the next room. In this room, there’s another of those goombahs, and he wants us to find some things hidden in the room. Okay, fine, this’ll be fun. We start looking around.
Kwipette says, “Where are the leggings?”
You say, “I dunno…maybe there aren’t any?”
Kwipette says, “Uh-huh. Or maybe THIS GUY’S HIDING THEM!”
Kwipette leaps on the Greeter!
Greeter says, “Aiiiiiiieeeeee! Get her off!”
Kwipette says, “Where is it?!?! Give it up or DIE, Virindi poser scum!”
I have to admit, exploring the Starter Dungeons with Kwipette is WAY more interesting than going solo.
Despite the best efforts of the Sparring Golems, we do manage to survive. Well, ‘survive’ being a relative term – I die twice to those damn wasps in the woodpiles. Buggers. But for me, that’s practically unscathed.
So now we’re topside, and I’m eager to explore some of the dungeons I never really got to investigate before. The first place I want to go is the Shreth Hive outside of Shoushi. I LOVE that place. It’s one of the few dungeons I ever hung around, although I’ve never seen the bottom of that one, either.
Well, thanks to a helping hand of someone who’s name I instantly forgot (sorry!), we get a portal right to Shoushi. A brief run, detoured so Kwipette can run over and kick the crap out of some Banderlings that were standing around OBVIOUSLY plotting no-good-ed-ness, and then we’re there.
You say, “Okay, now when we get in here, there’s going to be some drudges right inside the entrance, so be ready for a fight.”
Kwipette says, “Ok.”
We pop in. Kwipette immediately kills (one-shots, even) the drudge standing right at the entrance. And then she leaps down to the pit below and begins dishing death out to everything below.
What do I do?
I die.
No sooner do I get in the portal, then not ONE, not TWO, but THREE drudges jump on my head.
And I die.
Death says, “God, I love this part. Can we rewind it and watch it in slowmotion? Look at your face right here – Ah-ha-ha-ha!”
Grrrrrrrr.
So by the time I find my way back there from the lifestone, Kwipette is chasing the last remaing drudge around the top of the pit. How the hell she got back up from the bottom, I don’t know, but I suspect it had something to do with the pile of dismembered drudges stacked in the corner of the pit.
Just as I enter, there is a new spawn. This time, however, I manage to get out from underneath the Airborne Drudges. By jumping down into the pit.
Where ALL of the drudges follow me.
And kill me.
Death says, “Hooo-hooo-hooo, stop, stop it, I’m gonna wet myself!”
Kwipette tells you, “I’m sorry honey, I didn’t get down there in time.”
You tell Kwipette, “That’s okay; I just didn’t expect them all to focus on me.”
Kwipette tells you, “Heh, these guys sure do die easily enough, though.”
You tell Kwipette, “You’re not funny.”
Kwipette tells you, “Oh yes I am.”
Death says, “I think she’s a RIOT!”
You say, “You shut the hell up, slut.”
Sigh. So exploring as part of a team is a lot of fun. I distract the monsters with my screaming in a shrill girly voice and running about, and Kwipette storms in and pounds the hell out of everyone. Then by the time I get back from the lifestone, she’s got the dungeon cleaned out.
Okay, so we’re not exactly Bonnie and Clyde. Or Conan and Red Sonja. More like… er… She-Hulk and Bugs Bunny, on a good day.
Sigh.
Comments are closed.
