I have a presence.
It’s true. I never really thought about it before.
Oh, I mean, if I got on a crowded elevator with a bunch of little skinny people, you can bet they feel something. Usually, stark raving terror that we’ll get stuck between floors and I’ll have to consume them. But sometimes they’re also scared that part of my blubber will smother them (turned on yet, ladies?).
However, I’ve finally come to the acceptance that now when I am around, I exude a supernatural presence that the, shall we say, “sensitive,” seem to pick up on.
Death says, “That’s not ‘sensitivity,’ you goob. That’s ‘logic.'”
You say, “Shush!”
I can usually notice this whenever I’m sitting around the Tormented Souls mansion. I’ll say something about going on some quest or another, and the clever folks will take a step back, portal recall, or just feign death. The luckless ones will actually make foolish offers of ‘help’ when they should be just running away. I appreciate their offers, though, but it really does lead to some tension. Not deliberate, mind you – I mean, come on, when’s the last time you heard about me getting somebody else killed?
Death says, “Uh, what time is it now?”
You say, “No, I mean, on PURPOSE!”
Look, it’s not my fault that there’s a few spawn points around the mansion. If I say “I want to try jumping onto the roof from a nearby cliff,” what I really mean is “I’m going to run over those hills there, drag every single monster within a three-mile radius around with me, fall off of the cliff nowhere near where I was aiming for, and yet all the monsters will come crashing around the heads of everyone here – so please duck.”
But on occasion, it will happen, that someone will honestly want to help me out with a quest or two. Usually it’s when Kaigon’s off doing something and can’t give them proper warning, of course. But it makes for fun times.
See, the real trick there is to find someone that can translate what I say into logical statements. For example, if you ask me what quest I wish to tackle, I will probably reply with the deadliest, most horrific quest in the game. One that I’m not even halfway in levels near being able to complete. Yet, because I read something about it on a board or two, I’ll instantly think that I should be doing it. Because, you know, the quest sounds cool, and I’m cool, and together, we’d be, like, cool. Unfortunately, the quests that most people talk about now are quests they’re completing with their 80th level characters. Which will be me in about, oh, lessee…five years?
But until then – I really don’t mind doing these ‘little’ quests. Honestly, if nothing else, I get to feel like a big man as I push down the little Drudge Robber and take his charm!
Last night I must’ve spent almost a full hour at the lich tower outside of Tou-Tou. Now that I can get level seven buffs, I’m able to go there and SOLO that place, baby! Do you know how many times in the past I lost corpses there? Back in the early days of Blackspire Guard, that was practically how we ended every single gathering, by getting our asses handed to us by a bunch of liches! Liches! Now it’s a place I can clear out myself! Well…myself and a good mage buffing me, of course…
But anyway, back to my point: don’t ask me where we should go on a quest. You probably won’t like the answer. Or, if you do, you won’t like the fact that I get myself, you, a couple people passing by, a handful of people that shared our lifestone and the entire population of a town killed trying to do the quest. Oh yes – I’ve seen it happen.
Er, wait, that wasn’t my point at all. What the heck was it?
Death says, “Me?”
Oh. Erm…being around me means being around that guy. So, you know, consider yourself warned. Next time we go after the Abandoned Warehouse, don’t be surprised if the entire place just blows right the hell up.
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